Bathroom Floor Brilliance: A Late Night Thought on Mental Health and Ingenuity

AI artwork of a woman dreaming about bright ideas; a reflection on mental health and ingenuity

Ok, full disclosure. It’s 00:01. I am sitting on the bathroom floor whilst running a bath trying to finish everything I needed to get done today. This short blog post being the final task. So, with one eye open, I wanted to share this quick story.

Mental Health is still a taboo topic.

More in certain parts than others. I read about an initiative in Africa over my morning coffee, where they are training hairdressers, salon owners and the like in counselling. How to spot domestic violence, depression and what to say or do when people confide.

Brilliant solutions to complex problems.

There are nowhere near enough mental health workers in Africa, I admire this kind of ingenuity. I’m no expert, I read this in passing but thought these are the kinds of things we need to see, not only in Africa, but arguably everywhere there is a need to upskill those already in a position to do something about it. An inspiring idea that so far seems to be working. Pleasant dreams.

Chasing confidence down the rabbit hole.

AI artwork of a multicoloured rabbit inspired by Alice in Wonderland, symbolising creative confidence

Confidence is never a constant companion. It’s like a magical rabbit that appears occasionally and then vanishes, leaving behind the smell of rainbows. Confidence is hard and no one can do it for you.

Self-help or imaginary rabbits?

I was the type of person to read every self-help guru out there. In my fixation I have been down more rabbit holes than I care to admit. Positive affirmations are cute. But they will not change your monthly income. Doing something about it will though.

When I started The Pavement Special, I didn’t put my name up. I didn’t post photos. I had no confidence in what I was doing; because I had no idea where it was going.

I was extremely fed up of thinking about all these ideas that I couldn’t fund. I was sick of thinking that I can only start something when…when I have the money, when I have the right job.

I’m still waiting for those things, if I had continued to wait, there would be no Mongrel anything.

Confidence isn’t always flowing

I am not sitting here the other side of a bank balance that affords me this opportunity, dictating to you. Quite the contrary, I’m sitting here fighting for it. I work 7 days a week.

My husband always says, “You need to chill, you never chill”.

Despite having tons of ideas and projects upcoming and a to do list longer than Hercules-Corona Borealis Great Wall; I still sit here staring at a blank page for two hours and wonder what the hell I am doing.

If I am doing it right, if I said it right, should I have done that instead, turquoise or amethyst? Confidence isn’t always flowing, and I literally can’t afford for it not to.

That clock doesn’t slow down for anyone, not even a magic rabbit.

When you realise you put your laptop-stand upside down.

My husband might not be wrong.

Case in point; I spent the past few months using my laptop stand upside down. Don’t ask, but yup.  You know that feeling when you realise you are an idiot? 

Rainbow coloured rabbit droppings

While the magical rabbit Confidence is not a mainstay feature. It’s crucial to learn off that rabbit and be your own cheerleader. No one is going to tell you that you are magical, and if they do, well, lucky you. (Now I’m thinking of Aurora, the singer not the borealis, lol)

So, I guess I’m hunting rabbits.

Metaphorically speaking. That’s the only rabbit hole worth playing in. Confidence isn’t “I think my cap is the best in the world”; it’s working to design the best cap in the world. I might not do it, but maybe, that bloody rabbit pops up while I’m working on it.

Chase the work. The rabbit shows up when it wants.

How to Start a Business When You Don’t Even Know What It Is Yet

Designer drawing with a dog sleeping nearby ; early days of building the Mongrel Logic brand from scratch

There’s this peculiar phase at the start of any venture; a time when your ideas are still nebulous and even you struggle to make sense of them. You’ve technically started a business, but you don’t know what it is yet, it’s like trying to solve a puzzle with half the pieces missing. When I first started, I felt like I was wandering in the dark. You kind of hope people don’t ask you what you do; because you still don’t know and by now, you feel like you should have it all figured out.

Why did I start out with nothing?

When I started The Pavement Special, I had no capital, only a basic skills assessment, and a gut feeling. I had an eight-year-old phone that was so outdated that watching a video on YouTube was a frustrating experience, with ads overlaying the video and audio for both playing simultaneously. My laptop, with just 3GB of RAM, was barely functional. I could only afford free Google docs. I had no job at the time. I did have a closet full of the skeletons of dead dreams. And I was determined not to add to it. I had no idea what to do, I just knew I had to do something.

Not knowing what to do and doing it anyway.

I knew I liked writing, but I had always kept the idea of writing for a living hidden away, so I dug it out the closet and put a pretty frock on it and dragged it to work. I spent a year trying to be consistent and often struggled. During this time, while I worked through my existential crises and endless questions, various ideas came to me. Some ideas were fleeting, and with hindsight, not good. Others took root and are growing into projects that are now in development. For example, the birth and development of my brand, Mongrel Logic, a cap designed as wearable art. It’s a first step toward a broader studio vision.

What have I learned from this?

I aimed to achieve small technological advancements and growth whenever I could afford it. Thankfully, I found a job during this period. This job became both my investment strategy and my biggest time obstacle, which I still battle today. I have learned that doing something is better than doing nothing and waiting is pointless; regardless of what you think you need to get started, begin with what you have. I had no idea I would be sitting here with a cap and a studio six months ago. The way it all came together, one stone at a time, is still incredible to me.

Why did I do it like this?

I decided that acting was better than sitting and thinking about what might be possible if I had a thousand dollars. Or ten thousand, or fifty, or waiting till things were right. I decided that I could no longer wait until I had the money, the information or the hardware. I’ve already spent over ten years researching. I just didn’t know that what I was doing at the time, was research. After living through the worst decade of my life, I felt angry at everything. I had expected things to be different by now. And we still don’t have hoverboards. I relied on my gut instinct, trusting it for the first time in a long while.

Ok, but how does building this business, in public, help you?

Well, I’m failing for all to see, forging in the fires of…gawd…Sorry. I’m proving that it can be done, whatever that thing is you want to do that you don’t know what it is, but you know you can’t stand it here, so it’s better than not doing it. (Surely?) I’m proving that you can achieve your goals, even if you’re not entirely sure what they are yet.